sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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