You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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