I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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