Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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