Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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