I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
