I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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