I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
