She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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