Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
