I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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