Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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