Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
