OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
