The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
