Yo dont text me then not text me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
