i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
