Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
