I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
