I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dicks are not precious.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
