So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
