I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
