What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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