I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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