The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize