A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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