We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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