I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
