i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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