Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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