I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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