Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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