You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
