does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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