why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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