She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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