have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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