So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
