OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
