Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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