She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i now understand why vodka
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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