Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
P.S. I can't hear my feet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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