Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
