I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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