and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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