11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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