If that was your dad, he is hot
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
