My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
