It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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