Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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(978): I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it. http://tfl.nu/p2ch

Replies (4) Good night (2871) Bad night (691)
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(251): View more from Alabama

i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

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(251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm

Replies (52) Good night (5004) Bad night (1321)
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(876): View more from Jamaica

you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom

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(876): you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom http://tfl.nu/vb0z

Replies (8) Good night (1524) Bad night (5298)
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(703): View more from Virginia

i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.

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(703): i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room. http://tfl.nu/rb5o

Replies (24) Good night (1110) Bad night (6373)
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(907): View more from Alaska

You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

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(907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb

Replies (29) Good night (4510) Bad night (1234)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???

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(402): I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end??? http://tfl.nu/eolj

Replies (4) Good night (1665) Bad night (693)
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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(419): That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. http://tfl.nu/02m3

Replies (8) Good night (1909) Bad night (690)
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(619): View more from California

Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.

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(619): Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public. http://tfl.nu/k68k

Replies (9) Good night (2900) Bad night (680)
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(989): View more from Michigan

apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer

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(989): apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer http://tfl.nu/nnl1

Replies (4) Good night (1135) Bad night (566)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.

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(202): This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point. http://tfl.nu/l1mt

Replies (10) Good night (2628) Bad night (1051)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

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(908): Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka? http://tfl.nu/zznq

Replies (2) Good night (1190) Bad night (477)
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(214): View more from Texas

They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.

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(214): They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday. http://tfl.nu/u6e3

Replies (6) Good night (1249) Bad night (709)
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(913): View more from Kansas

The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.

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(913): The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops. http://tfl.nu/e530

Replies (13) Good night (1727) Bad night (818)
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(208): View more from Idaho

God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight

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(208): God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight http://tfl.nu/fm83

Replies (7) Good night (1317) Bad night (442)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...

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(540): I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying... http://tfl.nu/wais

Replies (1) Good night (364) Bad night (634)

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