The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
