He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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