I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
