No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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