official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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