It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
