Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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