i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
