Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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