I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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