We named our party play list daddy issues
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
