How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were trust falling into bushes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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