I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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