my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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