Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
