My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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