I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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