Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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