More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
