He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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