CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
