You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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