Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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