I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
