Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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