Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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