Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we made out on top of his cat.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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